{"id":6236,"date":"2021-08-11T19:12:25","date_gmt":"2021-08-11T19:12:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fadelahilali.com\/?p=6236"},"modified":"2023-01-10T20:08:28","modified_gmt":"2023-01-10T20:08:28","slug":"are-you-too-nice-or-kind","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fadelahilali.com\/are-you-too-nice-or-kind\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You (too) Nice or Kind?"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>Am I Too Nice?<\/h2>\n<p>Whenever I think about what it means to be nice or kind, a story comes to mind.<\/p>\n<p>Many moons ago, in a seemingly friendly conversation, someone in my inner circle told me: \"Why don't you just be a nice girl, say thank you and stop talking\"?<\/p>\n<p>That person was offering to help with a housing matter, and while I was grateful for the offer, I had alarm bells going off about the strings attached to that help.<\/p>\n<p>So I asked questions... They weren't welcome.<\/p>\n<p>It happened a long time ago, but it made me rethink the definition of \"Nice\" and came with a whole bunch of questions. Questions like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>What do I think when I refer to someone as nice at work? In my social circles? Romantically?<\/li>\n<li>Would I rather be NICE or KIND? Is there a difference?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>The answers weren't as straightforward as I was expecting, but I came to some interesting realisations.<\/p>\n<h3>What \"nice\" looks like<\/h3>\n<p>When I think of past situations where I would describe myself as nice, in many of them, my motivations could be summed up as:<\/p>\n<p>- I didn't want to offend someone (= afraid of disagreement)<\/p>\n<p>- I was trying to be liked (= validation seeking)<\/p>\n<p>- I did too much for people who didn't necessarily deserve it (= felt used)<\/p>\n<h3>What \"kind\" felt like<\/h3>\n<p>When I think of examples where I would describe myself as kind, my experience looked different:<\/p>\n<p>- I gave my time\/attention\/resources because<strong>&nbsp;I wanted to&nbsp;<\/strong>(not because I felt pressured)<\/p>\n<p>- My kindness&nbsp;<strong>had boundaries<\/strong>&nbsp;(I knew where it started and ended)<\/p>\n<p>- I felt&nbsp;<strong>no resentment&nbsp;<\/strong>afterwards (I felt&nbsp;<strong>good<\/strong>&nbsp;about it)<\/p>\n<h3>Where do we go from here?<\/h3>\n<p>There is definitely a place for being nice, in the sense of politeness, smiling in sympathy, being diplomatic or perhaps avoiding unnecessary conflict.<\/p>\n<p>Because niceness is more on the surface, it can be easy for some of us to use it as a way of getting approval.<\/p>\n<p>Kind requires more vulnerability, empathy (which comes with boundaries) and genuine care for other people's needs AS MUCH as&nbsp;our own needs.<\/p>\n<p>This being said, I also believe that nothing is black or white.<\/p>\n<p>So to bridge that gap, I like to think of nice as something I can DO and kind as something I can BE.<\/p>\n<p>If any of this resonates with you, don't judge yourself! I spent over a decade being nice in an attempt to be liked and feel good enough.<\/p>\n<p>But things can change, one tiny shift at a time.<\/p>\n<p>--------<\/p>\n<p>If you would like support on journey, I offer&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/fadelahilali.com\/life-coaching\/\">1-2-1 coaching<\/a>&nbsp;as well as an online group experience,&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/the-confidence-bootcamp.mykajabi.com\/\">The Confidence Bootcamp<\/a>. Book your<a href=\"https:\/\/fadelahilali.com\/discovery-session\/\">&nbsp;free discovery session<\/a>&nbsp;today!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Am I Too Nice? Whenever I think about what it means to be nice or kind, a story comes to mind. Many moons ago, in a seemingly friendly conversation, someone in my inner circle told me: \"Why don't you just be a nice girl, say thank you and stop talking\"? That person was offering to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6407,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[32,38],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Are You (too) Nice or Kind? - Fadela Hilali<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What do I think when I refer to someone as nice at work? In my social circles? 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