There are things we can only learn from experience but in my experience, we can save ourselves a few heartaches with some simple mindset shifts.
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know I’ve been open and candid about my struggles with insecurities. Some of them were about my physical appearance, sure, but the root cause was always about not feeling good enough.
Not good enough...
I didn’t lack confidence to the point of paralysis. I had enough to function and even create the illusion of someone who had their life together, but the reality was that I was playing small.
With a few exceptions, a lot of the choices over the years were about minimising the risk of getting rejected. What’s wrong with that you might ask? Well, it depends.
In my personal life
It’s not great in the personal arena when you chose a romantic partner that’s definitely not someone who shares your values because you don’t think you can “do better”. Or when you’re staying in an unfulfilling relationship, because again, you convince yourself that it’s normal, when really you don’t believe that you are not good enough to have the kind of relationship you would LOVE to be in.
It’s an issue when you apply for jobs your totally overqualified for because you don’t think that you would be considered for something more challenging. Or an even worst scenario, what if they hire for a job you were really excited about? You know the right mix between a role where you talents would shine and where you would continue to grow. But hang on, why would that be a problem? When you lack confidence, the type of role I just described can be terrifying because what if you’re not able to perform? What if you’re not good at it or what if you can’t keep up with the challenges aka growth part of it? Yep, impostor syndrome anyone?
I can go on and on about how my lack confidence had an impact on my life but I think you get the idea.
Becoming confident didn't happen overnight (very few things do!), but there is one thing I wish I had known sooner.
The game changer...
It’s a very simple mindset shift…but as most of know, simple doesn’t necessarily mean easy.
Being GENUINELY confident does not mean having no self-doubt. It doesn’t mean that we our thoughts are always positive. It's not about becoming immune to fear...or never feeling insecure again.
Even the most confident, successful, high performance person will have their moments of doubt. It doesn’t mean that they are frauds. It just means that there are human.
The moment I truly embraced this notion, so much of the pressure I used to feel vanished. I found myself being much more open to stepping out of my comfort zone. I felt more comfortable just BEING myself, allowing myself to be seen. And guess what? It had a positive impact on every area of my life. From friendships, to work, to my yoga practice (it’s hard to learn new postures when you’re too busy worrying about not being as good as other yogis next to you), I couldn’t believe it!
So, my invitation to you is to examine your self-talk when going through challenging times. Are you judging yourself for not being able to stay positive? For feeling low?
Try this instead: remind yourself that having doubts does not define who you are or what you can do. They are temporary, like our thoughts, they come and go, unless you choose to make them your reality.
PS: If you would like to be notified when my Confidence Bootcamp programme goes live, please register your interest here: theconfidencebootcamp.com