February 1, 2021 Fadela Hilali

How to develop REAL Confidence?

real confidence fadela hilali

One of the best things about being a coach is that I get to work on topics I love. The hard bit is that I am routinely “revisiting” my own life, both past and present, looking for patterns and examples that illustrate what people struggle with. Confidence is one of those things.

Have you ever wondered what “real confidence” looks like? What is it about? Is it something only available to a few chosen ones?

I use the word “REAL” as an acronym to summarise what confidence is and how we develop it.

“R” – Receptive

I remember a time when I was so terrified of being disliked or criticised that I stopped doing all things that I longed for. It takes a lot of energy to ignore what we truly want. We can become so skilled at making ourselves numb that we forget that we can influence our reality. Life is not about finding ways to kill our emotions.

Oh no my friend, it’s quite the opposite. The moment we become receptive to these little messengers called emotions, things start to shift. Emotions let us know what’s working and what’s not. They tell us whether our choices are aligned with what’s important to us. Confidence cannot exist if we are not connecting to our emotions.

“E” – Ease

I used to think that looking for ease was synonymous with being lazy but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Finding ease is a way of being. The ease I’m describing derives from being intentional about what we are trying to achieve. Operating from a place of ease means you care about what you do and know that it requires neither tough love nor self-loathing.

Ease will free you from the shackles of self-doubt and allow you to be more creative and resourceful. And who wouldn’t want that?

“A” – Act

I don’t know about you, but I learn a lot more from doing something (even if I get it wrong) than I do when I choose inaction. You’ll be happy to know that I am not the only one. There is a growing interest in Learning Theory on the role of mistakes in maximising effective learning and facilitating adaptation to change. In other words, while no one LOVES making mistakes, they are 1) unavoidable and 2) obvious opportunities to expand our practical knowledge.

“L” – Lead

One day, not so long ago, I realised that I was still asking for a LOT of advice. From relationship guidance to business advice from people with no prior entrepreneurial experience, I discovered that I was asking out of habit rather than necessity. In a way, I was craving approval from the people closest to me.

I had never realised that my search for validation had started to erode my ability to lead. That’s right, authentic leadership starts with self-leadership. 

There you have it, the anatomy of REAL confidence.

Speaking of…if you’re looking to fast-track your confidence and boost your self-esteem for good, The Confidence Bootcamp enrolment is OPEN. It would be my privilege to support you on your journey.